{August 25, 2011}   Update on Life

I’m back at college, back with my girlfriend (actually fiancee) and back in the swing of things. I fully expected things to be pretty much the same, save new living arrangements and new status in relationship, and to flow the same. I really thought I’d be avoiding those I previously called beezees too. But, oh, does God have plans. I really think He enjoys these kind of twists. I would. No twists or surprises would just get boring. Anyways, I actually spoke to and went into the apartment of these two that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with. It was pretty awkward and strange… but kind of fun too. A bit like old times if you cut out the uneasiness and stubbornness to still not have something to do with them. But, why? My fiancee helped me to realize that keeping a nose turned up at them was pointless and childish. The past is past. I don’t have to get overly involved, I don’t have to suddenly be bffs or even close friends with them. I won’t, just because of the whole trust aspect. I know there’s that whole people change, but sometimes they don’t. And I am not surrendering my cautiousness a second time to trust them and find out. I find that to be a huge mistake. I will be nice, I will hang out, I will experience a few of the things like old times. But, the true fact is, it is not like old times. I still do not, and probably will never again, trust them. I considered them people I hang out with like many other people. I will not allow them in my inner circle or allow drama. I’ve learned that much, but I will not remain overly bitter and dry towards them. One can be civil and friendly anf have someone to just have fun with, without closeness. I fully intend to do just that. I don’t know if my fiancee agrees or condones my decision or thoughts, but that is how I am going to proceed with this: slowly and cautiousness, never revealing too much about myself to those that I do not have trust in.


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