{August 25, 2011}   Update on Life

I’m back at college, back with my girlfriend (actually fiancee) and back in the swing of things. I fully expected things to be pretty much the same, save new living arrangements and new status in relationship, and to flow the same. I really thought I’d be avoiding those I previously called beezees too. But, oh, does God have plans. I really think He enjoys these kind of twists. I would. No twists or surprises would just get boring. Anyways, I actually spoke to and went into the apartment of these two that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with. It was pretty awkward and strange… but kind of fun too. A bit like old times if you cut out the uneasiness and stubbornness to still not have something to do with them. But, why? My fiancee helped me to realize that keeping a nose turned up at them was pointless and childish. The past is past. I don’t have to get overly involved, I don’t have to suddenly be bffs or even close friends with them. I won’t, just because of the whole trust aspect. I know there’s that whole people change, but sometimes they don’t. And I am not surrendering my cautiousness a second time to trust them and find out. I find that to be a huge mistake. I will be nice, I will hang out, I will experience a few of the things like old times. But, the true fact is, it is not like old times. I still do not, and probably will never again, trust them. I considered them people I hang out with like many other people. I will not allow them in my inner circle or allow drama. I’ve learned that much, but I will not remain overly bitter and dry towards them. One can be civil and friendly anf have someone to just have fun with, without closeness. I fully intend to do just that. I don’t know if my fiancee agrees or condones my decision or thoughts, but that is how I am going to proceed with this: slowly and cautiousness, never revealing too much about myself to those that I do not have trust in.


I finally return to the scene. Yes, yes, I know it’s been such a long time and I have a lot to blog about. To start, however, I would like to post about something I have wanted to post for a long time after a little visit to a grocery store.

Has anyone ever noticed the strange things they have on the shelves these days? I mean, are they really serious and why would they do that? I’m not sure if any of you have noticed these things, but I certainly have and want to share this knowledge because of the oddness and hilarity of it all.

1) Green Maraschino cherries- Oh yeah, I said green. I came across these strange cherries when I was looking for fruit to put in this incredibly awesome korean summer treat. Now, I never knew green cherries existed or if that is even sanitary, but there were green cherries. Who would want to eat green cherries, I don’t know. I personally prefer the normal red cherries that cherries are supposed to be. Maybe it’s just color dye, a new flavor or a new fruit wide fungus. Maybe Sam I Am is head of the maraschino cherries production. Whatever it is, just keep a look out to see for yourself. Also, if anyone tries them, please tell me if they are good?

2) Hemp Milk- Is this made of artificial hemp or authentic hemp? Is it from California? I pretty much gawked at this packaged milk, not refrigerated but found in the aisle next to the carnation milk, for a good few minutes. Who knew you could put hemp in milk??? The world is full of surprises, is it not? I’m pretty sure hemp milk brings a new meaning to “milk does the body good” for a lot of people. Don’t get your hopes up, folks, because hemp milk does not contain THC (the main substance found in marijuana). In any case, I never expected to find anything with hemp in it on shelves.

3) Animal shaped vegan fruit snacks- My personal favorite. What cynic decides to make a vegan fruit snack and shapes them like all the animals vegans are avoiding to eat? Someone with a very, very sick but hilarious sense of humor. I couldn’t believe my eyes, but I couldn’t stop laughing. You may call me cruel, but come on! How is that not funny? Sadistic, I agree, but whoever came up with that and whoever actually let it go through are humorists for sure. The shapes that I saw on my store trip were such animals as cats, dolphins and little baby duckies. I really wonder if anyone who took on the vegan lifestyle actually ate these? If any of you out there is one for crude humor, you might want to keep an eye out for these for your next gag gift for that vegan or vegetarian friend of yours.

This concludes my latest. I will do another bit of this if I find anymore strange foods, because this is pretty entertaining. I suggest that the next time you go shopping, or go with someone else and become completely bored, try looking for things that seem out of place or just plain wrong.

{May 4, 2011}   Hard Times

And I don’t mean the novel by Charles Dickens. The end of my fourth college semester has just ended, signaling an end to my second college year. I have lost people I had thought were friends, but turned out to be just people that didnt really give a crap, I found the love of my life, and I had an obviously coming falling out with my family.

The hardest parts are that, because the semester is over, my girlfriend and I have to part ways for the summer and we won’t see each other as often. This also means I’ll be going back to my parents’ house, for whatever amount of time; I would rather not be there. I am trying to get a license and everything, and then go to live with my cousin in her apartment with her for the summer. I cannot stand to live in a place that I no longer look at as my home. I feel looked down on, disliked, a disappointment… It doesn’t help that I’m so emotional, it’s on the brink of being unhealthy. I have to get out of there. I wish I could go stay with my girlfriend over the summer… that would be wonderful, but not too likely to happen at this point.

I am also worried about the distance between me and her. Saying I get antsy about having a long distance relationship for a short while is a bit of an understatement. Distance scares the crap out of me. I trust and love my girlfriend, so that isn’t the issue. I know everything will be okay, but I can’t help but worry. That’s just what I do. Thanks to an insensitive cheating bitch, distance is associated with relationship distance in my head. So, it just scares me. But, my girlfriend would never do that, and I clearly know that. So, honestly, I have no reason to worry. But, again that’s me. I have an irrational worry problem.

It’s just also the idea of not being able to just go to her and curl up in her arms for most of the summer. I’ll talk to her, we’ll skype and text, but I won’t be able to touch her or kiss her or anything like that for a lot of the time. If I have to stay all summer in my parents’ house, and I hope that I don’t, I won’t have the comfort to just feel her warmth and have the fragrance of her skin carry me away from all the stress.

Summer’s going to be hard. I have to find a job, figure stuff out, finish paying tuition, and a lot more. I hope I can make it through.

{March 23, 2011}   Path of life

Slip and slide down the path of life,

footholds crack and handholds break.

Steady yourself for a second or two,

then tumble down again.

The ride is fast; the way unknown.

The forks in the road are always dark.

Only hope and faith can accompany you,

as you slip and slide down the path of life.

{March 22, 2011}   Back

Spring break ended recently, part of the reason why this blog has remained empty for such a long time. I spend break at my girlfriend’s house and I had a pretty good time. I’m glad that her parents like me, and that they are so supportive of her. I can’t say as much for mine, unfortunately. They like to pretend that the subject doesn’t even exist. Her parents are very kind and accepting of her, and of me.

Back at school, we have a party for our dowm this friday that House Council is working on. As part of house council, I’m working hard on the party planning as well. It’s Alice in Wonderland theme; that’s all the details you’re getting. I think it’s going to be really epic if we pull everything off. I hope we do.

Also, I saw people I just don’t much care for anymore.

The friend that’s made choices i would express as bad ones? I’ve fallen so far into indifference that she has become merely aqcuaintance. I really didn’t want that to happen, and it’s worried me for so long… now, there’s really nothing that can be done and I doubt we will ever be friends again. And, although I still kind of hate to admit it, I really don’t care much anymore. She can do what she wants with her life; I’m not going to give her a friend’s advice anymore, or watch out for her like I used to or anything. To say that I will stop worrying about her would be a lie, but I just won’t worry as much as before. I’ll worry if she gets herself into some trouble, and I’ll be there if she needs me, but that’s it. I’ve stuck around too long for my help, my words, my support to just be pushed aside and ignored every step of the way. To be ignored is one thing, but to be trusted as a friend less than the girl that continuously did her wrong is another. I even have to force myself to smile at her sometimes. Maybe I’ll just not even wave or look up. Just be civil if the time calls for it. But, I just don’t feel anything for her and I no longer pine for that friendship. I have other friends who actually appreciate advice and whom I can truly trust and rely on.

As for the screwed up ex, every time I saw her I would swell up with so much hate and disgust and shame. Life’s really too short to hate for so long. I still don’t like her, and I am still disgusted by her, but I will try not to focus so much anger on her or to keep the hate at a low level. We shouldn’t hate anyone anyways; it’s a strong word and strong emotion. It’s not fun to hate. It just leaves you feeling like crap. I still won’t give her the time of day, but I will try to lower that hate into indifference or at least into nothingness.

And, randome note, I have had the hiccups since 7:30 am. They stopped for a short time twice, but keep coming back. I need peanut butter.

{March 8, 2011}   Welcome

So, here’s another random blog. It’s really been a while. I’ve got research papers, busy stuff to plan, and projects for classes coming up. This week is going to be hectic beyond belief. I hope my procrastination doesn’t get the better of me; that would be bad.

On another note, spring break is coming up. It’s like a breath of fresh air that I really, really need. I’ll be spending the week with my girlfriend and her family, who love me. It’s really refreshing and nice that they support her and like me so much. Can’t say the same for my parents, unfortunately. I really wish I could though. I really wish they would accept me, and her. But, they feel they have to protect my little brother, even if it means from me. It hurts, yeah, but that’s another reason why I’m more content with spending the week with my girlfriend rather than them. I don’t know about you, but being in an accepting, comfortable atmosphere sounds like it would be better to calm down my stressed nerves. On top of that, my girlfriend is comforting and loving, and cheers my spirits most days.

Other days, I can’t settle after seeing the face of pure slut-dome. Does anyone else ever have disdain for an ex? I always told myself that I would try to be friends with my exes, and I didn’t want to be the one that didn’t get along with them. However, that can’t be avoided when your exes are complete scumbags. It makes you wonder why you ever liked them in the first place. Their morals are horribly off, they think cheating’s okay, they take advantage of people in many ways, they are douches and jerks, they think they are above everything else… yeah, I know. I have issues with them. I think I broke my previous challenge, but a girl’s got to rant. When the keys are under my fingertips, and I let myself be pulled into typing and blogging, they always seem to come up. It’s not that I can’t believe people so unattractive and careless exist, it’s that I have known and even dated such people that I can’t believe. We all make mistakes, but the mistakes sometimes disgust you. At least now I have a girlfriend who actually has good thoughts in her head, and doesn’t go sleeping around with whoever she can find. She doesn’t do drugs, she doesn’t go get totally wasted, and she tries very hard to respect her girlfriend.

Next note: I discovered I can’t stand when people jsut sit back and let things happen to them and others. I’ve had this problem and now I am intent on changing it, so I am not the spineless person that just listens to every little thing someone says and drags herself into situations she’ll regret.

Another note: I want a kitty!!!!

Something else: Being worked into the ground by professors isn’t a college student’s only worry. Paying for college is another big one. I, myself, have experiences such obstacles as money issues because of college snatching away every cent. I’m going to graduate; there is no way in Hell I’m letting that money go to waste. Granted, I’ll be knee deep in loans after graduation, but I’m getting a degree and I’m going to do something with it!

I’m out. Deuces

{March 4, 2011}   Link It up!

But to where?

Does anyone else feel as lost as I do when your dash tells you that people have been setting up links to your blog that lead nowhere relevant or nowhere at all? Do you get that bubbly feeling like someone actually likes to hear what you have to say and you feel special, but then you just end up confused? My latest post rain was linked to a real estate site. The one before that was linked to an islamic site on the Quran. I know, weird.

What’s going on? Are these just random codes so you won’t really know where your links are or is this jsut to make you feel special… or is it stealthy marketing? I would really like to know, but chances are no one’s going to tell us. I just hope it’s not a stalker or something, but that’s far fetched. I’m going to go with sneaky salesperson tactics or just throwing random sites out there to make you feel like someone cares… Very tricky indeed.

{March 2, 2011}   Rain

The rain was now the only sound in her ears. She was happy that there was only the constant pattering along the roof and windows, and the wet ground outside. She huddled in the corner of the small living room, in dim lighting alone; alone with only the raindrops splattering softly against the window’s glass.

The yelling had been overwhelming; the insults and the stomping had filled her with fear and distress. Fists clashing against tabletops, angry words flung back and forth, and even her soft whimpering were more than she could bear. But now, all that was heard was the steady noise of tiny water drops all around the house.

Both of them had gone for the time being. HE had went upstairs to sit in silence; SHE had taken the car and went out for a drive. The girl was left in silence. That was all she ever wanted was the silence. She never liked hearing the yelling, the insults, the stomping, the clashing, the anger. She couldn’t even remember the times when there was laughter, compliments, the hugs, the kisses, the happiness. Those were fading memories from when she was just a little child. Now, chaos took the place of the peace, and no one was happy. They weren’t happy and the girl wasn’t happy. Not even the sky was happy. Sweet words were rare; happy topics were unheard of.

Her sobs were now the only sound in her ears.

{March 2, 2011}   Beezee and Yee!

I am starting a blog to share my experiences as I cook my way through Julia Child’s c- I’m just kidding. This is another random blog of mine.


First off, the title is called beezee and yee, two words I learned from a friend I met this semester who is from the Bay area in California. Now, the first I had heard once before but it was still a foreign term to me, as with Yee that I heard once in a song. Now, My gf and I use the terms all the time. Beezee can be good or bad, depending on the context. Beezee can refer to a girl that is a total jerk or “ho”, or it can be a joking term between friends. I find it humorous to watch one perform the  “tsk, what a Beezee!” phrase with a head roll and finger snap. Yee is like “Hell yeah!” and it is really fun to use as a call from across the grounds from one person to the other. “Yee!” “Yee!” There is your little bit of Bay area Cali knowledge for the day.

Next, I do have some things I want to rant about involving certain “beezees” but I am going to try this new thing called “Try to blog positive things with more poetry and stories and write non-publishable diary entries for rants for my eyes only or rant to a friend out loud for the negative”. I don’t think anyone wants to hear much of stupid selfish people anyways. But… we will see how long this lasts with how heated I am over these situations.

Finally… well, I really don’t have much to write about in this finally. Perhaps I’ll go add to my random writing collection on here.

Random Wisdom of the day:

In a choice between two people, with one you knew longer and needs you more, choose the one that needs you rather than the other. Then you won’t be a beezee. Yee!

And I think I’m already failing my new idea…

{February 26, 2011}   WTF

I was on Facebook not too long ago, looking at the public feed. I came across a link on of my friends had liked, and liked it myself. This was what the link said:

16-year-old sees an 8 year old with an iPhone, make-up, skinny jeans and laptop.

16-year-old: O_O When I was your age I had Pokemon cards and chalks.

8-year-old: *talking on the phone* I love you! Talk to you later!* Yes, what do you want?

16: Aww, was that your mom?

8: No, ew grow up. It was my boyfriend!

16: O_O;;;; WTF!!!

Now, when I saw this, it dawned on me just how true this was! I am bored, looking for something to do so why not blog about this?

First off, an eight year old with a cell phone? And not just any cell phone usually. These kids have unlimited texting and really high tech, do anything awesome phones. Personally, I didn’t even get my first phone until I was about 14 or 15, and even then, it was some rinky dink little gadget. I can understand that sometimes a phone can be useful to them to call for emergencies, but that is why good old cell phone companies created phones like the Cricket. My brother got one when he was around eight, when he was doing baseball and going over to people’s houses more. It’s a cell phone that only allows four numbers and only those four can contact, like emergency contacts on the go. It has no texting, no pictures, nothing. Call it boring, but the child is eight years old!!! Who the heck are they going to talk with and text non-stop at eight! I think this little device is better, and safer, for those kids that aren’t even teenagers yet. They don’t need to be introduced to the cellular world at that young age. They need to be kids first! I’m sure there’s been a rise in sexting among younger ages too, because of how screwed up this world is, causing kids to grow up quicker than they need to.

Which brings me to the next big point: boyfriends at an early age. Granted, I didn’t get my first boyfriend until eighteen, and I know that’s a long time. I was waiting until a good moment to start dating, when I actually could be mature enough to handle such situations to make good decisions… and high school people are just stupid and immature twats. Heck, some college guys and girls that are too. Trust me, I dated one of each gender that were immature twats before finding a good person to date; you can definitely say that I found a good person to spend the rest of my life with too. (don’t get on me for my very short dating time either. I will probably end up explaining that in a different blog post some day.)

ANYWAYS! Eight year olds don’t know the first thing about dating or attractions. They haven’t even hit puberty yet! I don’t even call that dating; I call it playtime. The thing is young children do not need to have boyfriends or girlfriends yet, because they don’t even know what that means. There are eleven year olds that sit here and say “I love you, baby” to each other and they don’t even know what those words really mean to someone who actually knows about them. There are even people my age that don’t understand what love truly is and can be. They are saying it because they see older people saying and think it’s a requirement to dating. I have never said I love you when I didn’t truly mean it or feel it. I never said I love you to my first boyfriend because I didn’t love him. I was seeing if things would  work, and they didn’t. I didn’t feel bad about the split because I never led him on with fake I love yous or anything else. I liked him, and said I liked him but nothing more. He turned out to be a douchebag anyways. Back to the kids though!!! They can’t even go on any fun dates! What are they going to do, go to bouncey inflato play land? Well… I guess if you’re eight that is fun…

“Omg! My boyfriend took me to bouncey inflato play land!”

For the skinny jeans and make up… well, skinny jeans are cute and I don’t see what’s wrong with a young girl wearing them as long as they don’t have rips in the butt or thighs like people wear around my college, and they are the cute, appropriate brand. I love skinny jeans and I have nothing against them. In fact, my sim children wear skinny jeans. Maybe if your kid was starting to get unwanted attention, I’d say lay off the skinny jeans. Super short skirts, booty shorts, inappropriate shirts are another story. Those are no-nos without argument. The make up goes again with growing up too quickly. A child can be beautiful and shine without it; come on, they’re kids! Kids are so freaking adorable so who cares if they aren’t wearing make up! That’s for teens! It’s so unnatural to see a little girl with make up on for me. It just doesn’t fit the picture. I understand maybe a little lip gloss or something, because little girls love lip gloss. Or even blush, maybe. But, if it’s not a special occasion (even then I’m not a big fan of eye liner or mascara on children), they shouldn’t have the face of a sixteen year old.

All in all, let your kids be kids. Pokemon cards became cell phones, sweet innocent laughs became too-early-to-come snappy attitudes and “I love N’Sync!” to “Justin Beiber, I want to do it with you and have your babies!!!” I think this world is causing children too grow up too soon, and too fast.

et cetera