{May 4, 2011}   Hard Times

And I don’t mean the novel by Charles Dickens. The end of my fourth college semester has just ended, signaling an end to my second college year. I have lost people I had thought were friends, but turned out to be just people that didnt really give a crap, I found the love of my life, and I had an obviously coming falling out with my family.

The hardest parts are that, because the semester is over, my girlfriend and I have to part ways for the summer and we won’t see each other as often. This also means I’ll be going back to my parents’ house, for whatever amount of time; I would rather not be there. I am trying to get a license and everything, and then go to live with my cousin in her apartment with her for the summer. I cannot stand to live in a place that I no longer look at as my home. I feel looked down on, disliked, a disappointment… It doesn’t help that I’m so emotional, it’s on the brink of being unhealthy. I have to get out of there. I wish I could go stay with my girlfriend over the summer… that would be wonderful, but not too likely to happen at this point.

I am also worried about the distance between me and her. Saying I get antsy about having a long distance relationship for a short while is a bit of an understatement. Distance scares the crap out of me. I trust and love my girlfriend, so that isn’t the issue. I know everything will be okay, but I can’t help but worry. That’s just what I do. Thanks to an insensitive cheating bitch, distance is associated with relationship distance in my head. So, it just scares me. But, my girlfriend would never do that, and I clearly know that. So, honestly, I have no reason to worry. But, again that’s me. I have an irrational worry problem.

It’s just also the idea of not being able to just go to her and curl up in her arms for most of the summer. I’ll talk to her, we’ll skype and text, but I won’t be able to touch her or kiss her or anything like that for a lot of the time. If I have to stay all summer in my parents’ house, and I hope that I don’t, I won’t have the comfort to just feel her warmth and have the fragrance of her skin carry me away from all the stress.

Summer’s going to be hard. I have to find a job, figure stuff out, finish paying tuition, and a lot more. I hope I can make it through.


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